Book Review…

The Primal Wound – Understanding the adopted child – Nancy Newton Verrier

Nancy Newton Verrier writes as both a psychotherapist and a mother – first to an adopted daughter and then to a birth daughter. It is a very important book to read to start to gain an understanding of the deep trauma experienced by an infant in being separated from the woman in whose womb he or she developed. When we think of trauma experienced by adopted children it is all too easy to concentrate on experiences since birth. In doing so we, all be it unwittingly, deny/minimise the impact of the experiences in the womb – in particular the emotional ones. From the very earliest days of development babies are forming relationships – primarily with their mother, but also with all those who frequent and influence their mother’s life. Without acknowledging the trauma of loss – universally experienced by each and every adopted child- even (or perhaps especially) a baby removed from its mother at birth – it is impossible to empathise with the pain our children are going through and therefore to draw alongside them in it. Primal Wound really helps to keep the reality of the adoption triad as an active element of our adoptive parenting. Our adopted children have birth mothers and in order to love them and care for them we must seek to understand this dynamic in their lives and allow it to be a dynamic in our lives and in our relationship with them. Not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination – as Nancy Verrier explores. She recognises the complications of comforting a child we want nothing other than wonderful things for, but who is crying not only in response to/as a result of a past physical or emotional experience they have suffered, but also for the loss of the mother who was perhaps influential in them experiencing it. All in all a vital read – underpinned “with information about pre- and perinatal psychology, attachment, bonding, and the effects of loss”.