It is 12 months since we started this journey on our half-term holiday last year. It is an annual holiday and so a natural place to reflect back on the last year.  While some ‘legs’ of the adoption journey are pretty standardised, no two journeys will be the same – so while this account may give you a feel for the different stages, please don’t see it as a timetable that your journey will follow.

On a family holiday our daughter shared that she had been thinking that maybe we could foster. This coincided with my husband and I reading a book about hospitality and an amazing improvement in the depression I suffer from. And so we opened the door into a place called adoption and found we wanted to walk further in for a better look around.

Spotting a little one toddle past me as I sat in a coffee shop I did a quick google search for foster to adopt. An acquaintance of mine had been through that process a few years previously and I had filed it away! This took me to a fostering site. I my husband to check we were on the same page with taking the next step – registering interest and as we were I did just that. The site I initially got in touch with redirected me to Cumbria County Council and to their adoption site. More interest was registered and after an initial phone call a visit was arranged – and our first social worker came to see my husband and I home on June 21st. Pre-Stage 1 was underway!

Following this visit we introduced the idea to our two younger children using some hastily put together leaflets to give them the chance to respond individually.

We let the idea sink in and float around for a few days until waiting for them to initiate any further conversation. This came in the form of our middle child asking – “so when do we get to meet the social worker?” – and so we got in touch to invite her to come and meet the children.

Wed 11th July – Our initial social worker met our children.

Thursday 12th July – a day listening to the BBC podcast – The Adoption ….

There was a follow up phone call to clarify a few points and then not too long after that we got the news that we had been deemed suitable to proceed to Stage 1 and were invited to get in touch after the summer holidays.

A note about Pre-Stage 1
Pre-Stage 1 is an initial stage without a set timescale. It is there to make sure that there is nothing obvious ruling you out from proceeding to the Assessment Stage. It looks to establish that you are of an appropriate age, that you can take at least a year off work to care for a child post adoption, and that you have spare room available for them. It involves some phone calls and at least one visit from a member of the Assessment Team to meet all the members of your household and to have a look at where you live.

This gave us time over the summer to get started on some of the recommended reading, to do some more knitting and to chat things through with trusted family and friends..

Once back from holidays we got in touch to inquire about progressing to Stage 1.

At which point there was a bit of a hold up to get the timings right..

Eager as we were to officially get the ball rolling by sending in our forms to register our interest – we couldn’t receive the forms until the Council were ready to receive them back again!

This is because once those forms hit the ‘mat’ at their offices a clock starts ticking and they are on a deadline.

Stage 1 needs to be completed within 8 weeks/2 months of forms being received. Most of Stage 1 goes on behind the scenes – chasing up all that information you gave them in your forms – however it does includes a three day training course which you attend. Understandably these can’t be run continuously and so in order for the course to be attended within Stage 1 the forms can’t be received too many weeks before the next training course. Thankfully our initial social worker had given us some ideas of the information that would be required of us  – all addresses since birth, employment and education history…. so we had most of the information gathered and once the long for forms arrived were ably to return them swiftly – and at last the clock was ticking! 

Training Days 1, 2 and 3 – see comments on training page for a brief overview of what was covered. 

On day 3 we happened to briefly meet our Assessing Social Worker and arranged to meet up with her soon.

Adoption Medicals with our GP.

Along with the Stage 1 forms to fill in and return we also received our Workbooks to complete over the course of Stage 1 ready to handover to our Assessing Social worker at the start of Stage 2. 

Workbooks are extensive documents which you can also receive via email and then fill in electronically. Stage 1 forms give the technical information about your life which then enable the Council to do all the necessary background checks and to determine that you are who you say you are.  Workbooks are a chance for you to comment and reflect on your life experiences so far, both in general and in relation to adoption. Relationships – both past and present are looked into in detail – including describing the support network that will be available to you through the process of adoption and beyond. Motivations to adopt and understanding of adoption is also a strong theme. There are some technical sections within this – notably finances – but largely it is less about facts and figures and more about who you are and what has influenced you; your identity  and experiences. 

Completing Stage 1
For us Stage 1 progressed on schedule, and was completed within the 8 weeks deadline – the only slight problem was our DBS checks taking a bit of time to come through. My husband and I each had a medical and attended the training course and everything else was chased up behind the scenes. We met with our Assessing Social Worker initially, but then – as with starting Stage 1 – there was a bit of a hold up before Stage 2 got properly underway. Again, once our forms (this time our official statement of desire to proceed to Stage 2 (a pause of up to 6 months is offered at this time) hit the ‘mat’ the Council would be up against another deadline.

For Stage 2 they have 16 weeks/4 months in which to:

• Complete the assessment – the assessing social worker meeting up with us almost every week as a couple and as individuals over a period of a couple of months.
• Write our Prospective Adopters Report (PAR)
• Send it off to the Panel at least 10 days before Panel
• Hold Panel – which will then send their recommendation to the Agency Decision Maker. 
• Give the ADM 10 days to review the case and make their final decision whether to approve you or not. 

STAGE 2  
Our form expressing our wish to proceed to Stage 2 which was received on December 5th.

We had weekly meetings with our Assessing Social Worker starting on Dec 21st and then from Jan 10th through to March….These meetings followed a clear schedule and went through similar subjects to those covered in the Workbook. Our ASW didn’t really refer to the Workbooks – but rather worked through her list of things to cover in conversation with us – taking notes all the time. However, when it came to writing our PARs she was able to refer to them and cut and paste as was appropriate.  Our ASW met our children once informally relatively early on in Stage 2 and then individually towards the end of our assessment. We were given our date for Panel quite early on in Stage 2 and I also attended a Foster to Adopt training day (my husband was unable to and is due to attend one soon).  

Meanwhile….
we proceeded to transform our spare room into a nursery/young child’s bedroom. We decided on a theme (not something we had done with our four previous babies!); and got a cot mobile while away on a family adventure at Christmas.

In February the blackout blind went up and the spare bed was moved out. The old cot came out of the loft and was painted (again not something we had managed before despite it still bearing the teeth marks of its first occupant whose mother kindly passed it on to us!) 

In March out PAR was completed and signed by all concerned and sent off to the members of our Panel. 

The blanket I was knitting was coming on, and cushions were added to nursery…

We attended the Day 4 training day on therapeutic parenting.  

Shortly after our PAR was sent off we had our Support Network meeting. Ideally this would have happened before the PAR was sent off, but we were able to show a photo at our Panel. The meeting was a chance for our ASW to meet our support network informally over some lunch, but also to fill them a little on where we were in the process and how things would proceed from here. It was also a chance to give them some initial pointers in how best to look after us and offer support in the early days of a placement.  

And then finally the date we had been counting down to arrived – Panel. 

PANEL
Ours was in the afternoon and it was hard to settle to things in the morning!

The good thing to remember about going to Panel is that it is designed NOT to be full of surprises – if things have been done properly there really shouldn’t be any dramatic plot twists at this stage. As you go through Stage 2 with your ASW they will be very clear with you about what they are thinking in terms of their recommendations, what they have reservations about, and as the process progresses if and how they have revised their opinions. Comparing it to a hand of cards – everything is out on the table. As the date for Panel approaches you read your PAR and have a chance to chat it through with your ASW so you know what the Panel are reading about you! 

Having said all that you still don’t know what they will make of you, and the meeting itself is a little daunting if only because it is an unknown.  Here are the reflections we jotted down straight after our Panel with a few added details for clarity. On arrival we were met by our ASW and taken into a room to wait with her. Quite a wait. Knitted, chatted with ASW. All three a bit nervous – sort of jumpy – listening out / emotionally full / not very conversational! ASW reading through notes.  Waiting for about 45 mins. The Panel Chair and Advisor came in and introduced themselves and gave us our questions – all very friendly. They didn’t require a separate meeting with just our ASW  so we prepped the questions together and then went in.    On entering the room for Panel we sat with our ASW on one side of a set of tables with the Panel sitting around the other side – it wasn’t a massive room and was quite full.  Who was there: The Panel introduced themselves – 1 x independent, 3 x staff including our first ever social worker and another familiar face from a training day. Also present was the Chair, the minute taker and the Advisor.   Initial Questions:  We were asked about our experience of the process, how we had found the training and to give feedback on our ASW.  Our ASW also fed back on process from her point of view. We were also asked why we had chosen to go through the Council as opposed to another agency. It was made clear that they really did want our feedback here as they always want to be improving the service.    Questions specific to us (which we had been given in the waiting room earlier) We had been given 4 questions – none of which came out of left field.    All in all it was a positive, affirming atmosphere.    We then left the room – just time for a loo trip before called back in. The Panel members went round table starting with Chair to each give their recommendation. We received a unanimous recommendation to be approved.    We had a brief, but happy chat with our ASW who told us she would be keeping us on for a while as a Support Worker had not yet been assigned to us and then we then headed off to a nearby cafe, to come back down to earth over a game of cards and a debrief chat. We let a few people know via texts, the children came in and we had a lovely family meal together to celebrate.

April
One week later we heard from our ASW that the Agency Decision Maker agreed with the Panel’s recommendation and that we were officially Approved Prospective Adopters. 

We purchased a few items that we had chosen, but had been waiting until we got the go ahead to actually order – definitely a bit of nesting going on! 

The blanket was completed (Wed 10th April) and the preparations continued as we waited for the call!

I attended an excellent training day on Improving Sensory Processing in Traumatised Children. We met our Adoption Support Worker and I went along to my first Evening Support Group. Two close friends attended the Related By Adoption Training day.

And so here we are! One year in to what I dearly hope will be our lifelong adoption journey.